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Friday, November 2, 2012

Jacked - Why 911 Registered With Me


It's amazing what you find on the Web these days. You can literately piece together a timeline of your life, put it together and you can end up with a virtual Autobiography. I don't even know how I stumbled on this article, but somehow I did. Once upon a time in May of 1989 I took a flight home with my team after wrapping up a week at a national tournament in Tyler, Tx. An hour before the flight we were gorging on chicken fried steaks, 2+ hours after the flight we were over the straits of Florida sweating and shitting it out.

I don't really know if I can compare what those poor passengers felt on the hijacked planes during 911 with my own experience on this flight, but I'm sure there were a few things that raced through their minds. Here were mine:

  • Please, I don't care if you shoot and put holes into the plane. Just don't shoot the pilot.
  • This real life drama is nothing like the movies
  • I actually don't mind if we land in Cuba, I just don't want to crash in shark infested waters
  • I sat way back at the end of the plane. I really didn't see much of the hijacker let alone the gun.
  • I don't recall any mention during the flight of running out of fuel, only later after we landed. If I had known this, I would have really shit out that chicken fried steak in bucket loads.
  • Why the fuck is it called a 'starter pistol'?



No, I didn't see my life flash before my eyes. There really wasn't much drama, I'm even sad to say I wasn't a hero in my own story like I usually am. There was a worry though that I haven't quite experienced since. This was a decade before we knew what real terrorists were capable of. Had this happened today with a suicide bomber, or in Europe or the Middle East, I doubt I'd be alive writing about it.




When I arrived home after a 2 hour delay, my folks picked me up at the airport. Driving home they asked me what the delay was all about. I made up some BS story. We went to eat at a Flanagans to celebrate the awesome time I had in Texas. There were TV screens everywhere with the hijacking on the news. I watched my folks reaction never uttering a word. I barely touched the rack of baby back ribs on my plate. My folks immediately knew this was unusual because I eat the bones off the ribs when I'm normal. When they asked me if I was ok and why I wasnt eating I just remember saying: “I'm just glad to be home, I guess I just had too many nuts on the plane, get me a doggybag and I'll nuke and eat it later” To this day they never knew I was on a hijacked plane, So if anyone ever wondered why the flights of 911 affected me. I can only say I have my reasons.
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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Cha-Ching






  1. 85 Grape cover gum candies (6th grade raffle,guessed correct # of candies in the jar)
  2. Dinner for 2 at Red Lobster (Science Essay Winner)
 
Combined would basically be my net worth/resume when you collectively take: Lottery tickets, raffles, contests and casino slots.   In a nutshell, I’m a loser. I never won anything outside of sporting competition in my life.  Yet  somehow  I stil play an occasional Lottery game, never really believing I’ll ever win, I think I only play  for the dream .  I honestly wouldn’t  be happy if I won $250 million dollars.   I’d be miserable. I wouldn't know what to do with myself and I’d probably mistrust everyone    who tried to be close to me.

I had a $10 bill in my car ash tray, and for the life of me, I still don’t know what made me buy this scratch card last week.  Who cares, I was yelling at the top of my lungs at every $50 box  I scratched.  I had visions of a spoiled rap star throwing money away and acting like an utter fool like on MTV cribs.. Ya know, bling, bling wuzzup my nigga don’t call me ching ;) So I scratched 3 $50 boxes - $10 = $140.  It isn’t a whole lot of money, barely enough for a bag of groceries.



So after finding 3 places that would cash my game card. I just had fun with the dirty money

  • a pair of sneakers
  • Gave $5 to a homeless dude(give and you shall receive)
  • $20 worth of groceries
  • a few dog treats
  • and $30 to play a little more, use the banks money so to speak .




I  personally  knew 2 people that won the Fantasy 5, which at the time was  approximately a $250,000  grand prize before taxes. One guy paid off his house and spent it on a few toys, a car and such.  The other guy was an old man who use to work at a mom/pop sandwich shop where I use to eat lunch.  One day he disappeared and his co-worker told me he left his wife and ran away to travel with a younger woman 1/2 age his .  Here's a tip, if you're going to leave your wife, put your lottery ticket in a safe deposit box, and wait until after the divorce settlement, buhahaha


Look, I always read about these people who hit millions on the Lottery and Powerball. When they're interviewed by the media they're always asked what  they're going to do.  They'll say something like:  "Well, I'm glad I won, bla bla bla, but you know, I'm still going to report to work tomorrow"
C'mon we all know that's bullshit, I mean really. Any  Jackass that says they'd go back to work after hitting the Lottery doesn't deserve to win the Lottery, I might never put on pants again if I hit the BIG one.  

 Regretfully will have my pants on early tomorrow morning 
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Sunday, June 3, 2012


Maam, I Am No Asian SuperHeRo  

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 on 04-04-2012 at 05:07 PM (282 Views)
It’s a beautiful sunny Spring afternoon at the park by the beach.While we were having a chit chat about sports, rants,raves and all sorts of randomness, I started to see one of my friends just dart out of the gate. I automatically ran because I thought it was some sort of accident. It turns out it was an old lady yelling because she was getting mugged. Ok well maybe not mugged, but some lady was trying to snatch her purse and the old lady was hell bent on not letting it go.

After a mob of people and 4 of my friends arrive, the lady that tried to take the purse was nabbed and held down by a few in the mob.
People in the mob started yelling at the lady who tried to snatch the bag, ‘get the bitch and call the cops’.The old lady who’s bag was snatched was shaking and looking like she’d go into cardiac arrest. Finally this white guy with a beard and surf shorts jumps out and says ‘Just let the bitch go, she didn’t get the purse I think she learned her lesson’

Ok, fine, everythings good, the old lady went on her way and the mob disburses, and yes, they sent the bitch on her way as well.
Now I look down the corner and my friend yells ‘Hey down the street she got another one!!’
Yep, you guessed it, the one that got away got another.

As I looked down the street with my friend, we see the lady take another old ladys purse but this time, slams her to the ground and jumps in a white sedan.So I run there with my friends and we see her on the ground with blood on the side of her head. The cops arrive and start circling the neighborhood, after about 10 minutes another cop radios in that they have suspects, and asked me and my friend if we would identify the individuals. (I love the shows America’s Most Wanted and Cops just as a side note

So we hopped in the Cop cruiser and drove about 6 blocks, and there was the white sedan, I didn’t see the plate, but i did remember the bumper stickers. Out came the first suspect. A dark skinned female with short hair, light colored shorts and slim. “Officer that’s definitely the lady who mugged both ladies. “Sir ,she jumped in the car though on the passenger side, I honestly didn’t see the driver so I couldn’t testify in court I saw him because shit I really didn’t,the bumper stickers and car I’m sure about though, no doubt in my mind”
So out comes the driver from the back of the cruiser in cuffs and , whoooa, guess who? Yep, you guessed it, the White guy with a beard and surf shorts, the guy that told the mob to ‘Just let the bitch go’. Bingo, how ingenious, and even if i didn’t see his face, those Billibong Shorts was as good as a fingerprint in my mind, hey man I’m a surfer remember? 
The weird thing is as we saw the lady in cuffs in the back of the police cruiser, she started to flash her boobs at us like to say, hey if you tell them it wasnt me you can have these. “bitch please’ 

Anyways as we left court that day to testify, me and my friend met the old lady who got slammed on the street, she started to thank me and my buddy and pulled out a checkbook to offer a reward. I just felt bad taking anything like that. It would almost be criminal. So I told her if she bought us a few hotdogs we’d be square, I just didn’t feel like an Asian Super-hero,I just don’t think the world is quite ready or deserving of one just yet.
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Comments

  1. vietnamita's Avatar

    Good Story!
    Best shit I've read all day, and all week for that matter! I'll be that was a fun adrenaline rush! 
  2. lightningfro's Avatar

    Wow! I think you ARE a superhero, sucks that lady got roughed up but glad they caught them, that was slick of ol surfer dude but not slick enough :-)
  3. Lexa Kay's Avatar

    Lmao! This had me rolling!
    "bitch please" 
    hahaha
    I don't even need to know what day this was to know it was way more exciting for you than me lol.
  4. enjoi's Avatar

  5. Shang Chi's Avatar

    what flaccid part of town is this when caught purse snatchers don't get stomped into bloody hamburger?
  6. funkymunky's Avatar

  7. paulr3167's Avatar

    Truth, Justice and the Asian American Way, I do think though my idol Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan would have settled this in the streets. I just felt more comfortable when the thugs were cuffed in the back of a cruiser before I taunted them, or worse made them more evil on a blog  Nevertheless this blog could have been the police report, no names or events were changed to protect anyone. The bearded white guy in the surf shorts gave me the coldest stare,I"m sure he'd try to kill me if he had a chance. And this happened 2 blocks from the Ocean, proving that predators are everywhere, but so are the forces of good 
  8. jing2x87's Avatar

    If taht mugger was a man i bet the bones are broken right now.
  9. AznStud4U's Avatar

    creamofcow's Avatar

  10. Wow, that had everything to it! Crime, subterfuge, violence, chases, and even boobs, courtroom drama, and food! Great job, Paul!
  11. tazo157's Avatar

    Good job, you da man!!
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